19 Jun
Why can't a natural disaster kill Roland Emmerich? Too much cosmic justice??


Usually I only post trailers for movies that I’m excited for, but this time I make the exception for the brilliant auteur that is Roland Emmerich. Yes, that Mr. Emmerich, director of some of the past 15 year’s best films: Godzilla, Independence Day, Universal Soldier, 10,000 BC. Oh wait a second — all those sucked. My bad. About the only decent (I use the term loosely) movie he’s made, Day After Tomorrow, he’s apparently decided to rip off completely…then just double the natural disasters. Clever, Roland, clever. How many times is he gonna have a group of fireman look off into the camera in feared awe, letting the audience know that, ‘Oh snap, shit’s about to hit the fan!’ Can you fathom the amount of collapsing earth in the above below? I guess when 2012 comes, continents of earth mass will vanish into the ether, and the volume of water will double. Overnight. And did you catch how the crack in the Sistine Chapel perfectly schisms between the fingers of God and Adam…can you handle the symbolism??!! Bravo! I bet you anything Emmerich pushed away from his computer after writing that, stepped outside to his porch and lit up a fresh cigarette, smiling smugly in self-satisfaction. ‘Vell done, Roland, Vell done.’ One small problem tho: the Mayans are hardly “mankind’s earliest civilization”. Umm…Egypt? Babylonia? Greece? Sumer? I’m just saying, it’s not a good thing when your trailer starts off with an error a second grader could correct.

But critiquing an Emmerich film is like playing a retard in chess — it’s so frustrating, why even bother starting. I will say this: the effects look mighty pretty — amazing even. They’ll look great on a HDTV. The only way I could see wasting my $10 on seeing this at the theaters is if you got really, really, really baked, just enough so you stop thinking about how John Cusack has completely destroyed his career, and instead can concentrate on all the perty pictures. Otherwise, it might be worth pressing record on your Tivo…

…then again, maybe not…

One Response to “2012 Trailer”

  1. […] the redundantly named Ninja Assassin (including yours truly), and others opting for the craptacular 2012, it seemed Mr. Fox was the one flick that even moms could watch. And in the end, it was easily the […]

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