We all know Electric Daisy Carnival as a bacchanal frenzy of post-rave digital hedonism. Think young millennials in a cloud of furry boots, bikini bottoms, copious neon and blissful nescience. An orgy of EDM beats, sweaty teens and sunrise memories/regrets. But there’s another demographic at the Biggest Rave In America that is rarely mentioned: the Elders. Or rather, I should say, anyone over 30. Believe it or not, there is a large population of the almost 400,000 that invade the Las Vegas International Speedway that raved in the 90s and still enjoy a good night of booty shaking, celestial intoxication and fist-in-the-air hijinx… although not so much the 4-hour traffic jams, endless beer lines and porta potties plucked from the heart of a Nicaraguan shanty. And count among them us at LIAS — the over-the-hill ravers. For those with means — and sometimes, a lot more means than yours truly — EDC can be a pampered, luxurious weekend of well-curated hedonism, all soundtracked by Empire of the Sun. We’re not gonna bore you with obvious options like expensive dinners or spa services — who’s got time for that crap? This is EDC weekend, in Vegas! Nope, this is strictly for the hardcore. So if you got a ton of cash and the will to survive, we present you the Top 8 Ways To Survive EDC Vegas In Luxurious Bliss…

#10 Get a Spirit Guide
We can have all the ideas in the world, but if you want some seriously off the menu antics, you’re gonna need a spirit guide, aka an Executive VIP Host. You looking to adorn your afterparty with an albino panther, or want to zipcord to your VIP table? Those are things only a Vegas-trained VIP Host can offer. We got great help from Zach Taylor, the illustrious Executive VIP Host over at Mandalay Bay’s Light nightclub — he makes the unmentionable happen. “One guy wanted to have a costume party at a regular night at Light, so we had to run around all over Nevada looking for a replica Batman costume from the Dark Knight,” recalls Taylor of some of the strange requests he’s gotten. “It was tough but we made it happen. Honestly, the weirdest stuff I’ve had to arrange I can’t even talk about — it’s that weird. But you invent your own world here in Vegas, we just make it happen!”

#9 The $150,000 VIP table: $150,000
You spent all that money on a suite, afterparty suite and private jet to get here, and now you’re just gonna dance with bare-skinned, sweat-drenched pedestrians? Please. You don’t want any backpack wearing mouthbreathers occupying your party space — hence it’s strictly VIP tables for you. So select the best: EDC’s premium table will cost you a cool $150,000. There’s the little amenities like golf cart rides to and from the entrance (complete with Electric Daisy Carnival swag bags), 4 bottles of premium alcohol, 6 bottles of champagne, your own EDC-themed team of hosts and two helicopters of your own to migrate to and from the speedway. Oh yeah, and a giant stuffed bear. But despite all that what really makes it worth its price is the proximity and direct view to the main stage — so close you’ll be able to comment intelligently on Avicii’s eyebrow grooming skills (hint: they’re good).

#8 Helicopter Shuttle: $800-$3,000
You know the drill. Getting into any festival, no matter the traffic, is a joyous thing. You’re blasting your EDC or DIE!!! mixtape, Instagraming selfies and just letting the warm glow of the upcoming festival wash over you. Relish the ride, young padawan. The way out, however…? Those limited edition sneakers you clean with a toothbrush are now covered in indescribable filth, your carefully handpicked tanktop is now a loincloth and your girlfriend’s makeup looks like she just got in a catfight with a drag queen — and those yeti boots don’t look quite as romantic in harsh daylight. This is when you’ll wish you had booked a helicopter ride home with Maverick Aviation. The private charter company will whisk you away from the festival grounds and over the famous Las Vegas Strip in a comfy state-of-the art helicopter, giving you a rare birds-eye glimpse of the entire carnival landscape while they’re at it. All in about 10 minutes. Leave the torturous, single lane 4-hour traffic jam for teenage constitutions.

Hit the Jump for Numbers 7-1 of the Top 10 Ways To Survive EDC Vegas In Luxurious Bliss…

“By now you’ve done enough intoxicants to topple John Bonham… there is no soap to cleanse the filth on your being…”

#7 Hangover Heaven: $400
You wake up with lord knows what you ingested the night before echoing in your skull like a Skrillex bass drop. And you still have two more days of partying to go. What on Earth can you do? Well considering that throbbing hangover is more a result of dehydration and vitamin loss than the half-dozen (dozen?) vodka tonics you polished off , you may want to consider someone like Hangover Heaven. For a fee they’ll deliver a hangover eraser direct to your door — IV style. That’s right, with a simple phone call their licensed medical staff will show up at your door with a full-on emergency room IV kit to get your bloodwork in order — hydration fluid, Super B12, antioxidants, vitamins, headache medicine and more. The Redemption package will do, but if you’re really suffering from the “Curl up and die” feeling, aim straight for Salvation. Its extra nausea and heartburn meds will have you back doing the Melbourne Shuffle in no time.

#6 Fly a Stunt Plane: $700 – $2,000
This one’s a no brainer. No matter how high you were the night before, no thrill will compare to piloting an Extra 330 — the world’s most agile stunt plane — as it barrel rolls over pristine deserts. If you’re feeling competitive, get your friend to come along and dogfight in the sky with lasers. Yes, dogfight with lasers in a plane you are piloting. Book it now at Sky Combat Ace.

#5 Party/Afterparty Suite: $15,000
You don’t really want to sleep in the same bed where you invited five girls dressed like Teletubbies to smear Vaporub all over each other, do you? You know how hard it is to get the stench of Vicks out of fresh linens? Didn’t think so. When it’s time to rest, it’s time to rest. Now it’s time to party. And there is no better party suite right now in Sin City than The Bungalows at the Cosmo. The 2,500-square-foot, 3-story suites are attached to Marquee, presently the hottest club in Vegas, which means you can stumble in and out of the venue at will — no wait, no line, no bullshit. Complete with Sub-Zero appliances, a butler, three bedrooms and a hot tub overlooking the legendary pool, the suites will speak for themselves. Hell, you can probably bring a fishing net and haul your catch directly into the suite. While the Bungalows may be smaller than most top resort suites, accessibility don’t come cheap (the girl wreaking of Katy Perry’s Purrfume you netted on the dancefloor is another story entirely). This will cost you $15,000 a night.

The site of much intoxicated debauchery at the Marquee Pool Party…

#4 Swim with the Sharks… Or Train a Dolphin: $650
Let’s face it, by now you’ve done enough intoxicants to topple John Bonham. The strain is not only wearing on your liver, it’s wearing on your very soul. There is no soap that can cleanse the filth that is accumulating on your being. Or is there? Perhaps all you need is a little time to re-connect with nature, to know that you’re not just an insatiable vacuum of depravity. How’s the best way to do that, you ask? If you’re the thrill-seeking sort, dive in a 1.3-million-gallon aquarium full of sharks and a sunken ship at Mandalay Bay’s aptly named Shark Reef — North America’s only predator-based aquarium (not including the Rehab Pool Party, that is). Or if you’re more of a Jason Mraz kinda dude, join The Mirage’s “Be a Trainer for a Day” program where you get to swim with, feed and train your favorite bottlenose friends. It’ll make you almost human again.

#3 Control the Bellagio Dancing Waters: $250,000
Let’s just say you haven’t quite come down from the blur of chemicals you’ve ingested, and you’re looking to add a little pizzazz to the end of your night. Just hop on over to the Bellagio, and for the understandable sum of a $250,000 you can press the button that turns on their famed fountain. Not only that, you can select the song you want the waters to spring to life to. For just a quarter of a million dollars a butler will deliver you a gold box, inside of which rests a single red button — push it and the Bellagio’s 1,200 fountains and 4,700 lights spring to life. Oh, and you also get a 30-liter bottle of Ace of Spades champagne. A bargain, when you really think about it.

#2 Luxury Escape Suite: $7,500
If you’re looking for pure baller status, the easy thing to suggest would be the $40,000 a night Octavius Villas at Caesars Palace. They’re the most expensive by far, but in Vegas you can pretty much find anything you want in a luxury suite — from bowling alleys, waterfalls and hot tubs overlooking the Strip to hydraulic beds, solariums and fireplaces. A-ny-thing. But we’re gonna go outside the box and suggest ARIA’s Sky Villas instead. The 2-story, 6,500 sq ft suites have all the amenities you can expect — including massage room, gym, fireplaces, billiard room, salon, private valet and unlimited limo service — and are kitted out with high-tech flourishes like floor-to-ceiling shades that open upon arrival. But what sets the Sky Villas apart is their interior design and decoration, courtesy of one Peter Marino — the architect responsible for designing the Upper East Side townhouse of Andy Warhol, and his third “Factory”. If it’s good enough for Warhol, chances are it’s good enough for someone who shed tears when they heard Swedish House Mafia broke up.

#1 Private Jet: $20,000
Remember that scene in Swingers where Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn drive to Vegas and at first they’re super stoked, but then like 3 hours into the mind numbingly monotone trip they’re ready to turn around? Imagine that with nearly a million extra people clogging the highways to Sin City. Or you could fly commercial. But if money is no object why not take a private jet? Arrange it with a VIP Concierge and they can have a Maybach waiting for you at the tarmac. “If you’re extra nice, someone may even fill the plane with models, and arrange a lingerie party for you,” suggests  VIP Host Zach Taylor, a man who’s arranged more than one such jaunt. “I’ve seen crazier.”

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