Hey dumb ass, did you lose your keys again? Is your wallet missing and you carpet bombed your pad looking for it? Well, if you haven’t lost your phone too, you may want to consider downloading the free app that will work with these device trackers. Wait, what do you mean you lost your charger? Boy, God sure broke the mold when he made you — right over your head and then misplaced the pieces. Not to worry. Once you sort yourself out, it is time you get a Wallet TrackR.

It’s a slim easy-to-hide device that you can stick into all the crap that you commonly lose. You know, like your key chain or your newborn child. Or even better yet, this fine thin-profile wallet by the crew at Parabellum. The tracker comes with a two-way ringer (yup, that’s right, you can find the goddamned phone too), that tracks all your lost important whatsits within a 100-foot range. It runs on a replaceable battery that will work for up to two years, which is another godsend, because if you had to charge it, you’d probably be too loopy to remember to do that too. Now, it’s all good. You can sleep easy… unless you locked your keys inside. It will work solidly on whatever phone you have that is clearly smarter than you are — either IOS or Android.

One device pack will cost you $29, which is probably a lot less than you spend replacing wallets anyway. And if you’re one of those loose-leaf cabbage-heads who loses everything always, you may want to consider stocking up on a few of these, because your phone will find up to ten lost items for you, which sounds like about eleven more items than you can be held accountable for at any given time. And if you want the Parabellum wallet, finely crafted from free range bison to neatly hold the TrackR, then just throw down $295 for endless piece of mind.

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