4 Mar
The soundtrack to a terrifying social experiment gone awry

Well, I suppose this was inevitable. I know people are getting sick of the whole Charlie Sheen thing already, but really — have you ever known a public meltdown in human history better suited for a dubstep remix? Me thinks not. The whole Adonis DNA, tiger blood, being from another terrestrial plane rant — it’s like he was sent directly from dubstep heaven to anoint his acolytes with catchy samples to set death rattling beats to. While a lot of people feel sorry for Charlie Sheen, I certainly don’t — dude is on another level, and who are we to judge? Sure, his delusion and megalomania have hit levels previously uncharted, but he’s the result of a fucked up human equation that’s never been scribbled before. Charlie Sheen is the perfect algorithm of an entire life of pure entitlement multiplied by Western celebrity worship raised to the power of 3rd millennial social media hyperbole. The answer? Charlie Sheen. He is the drug. Is anyone out there really shocked that he’s the first person to accumulate 1,000,000 Twitter followers in 24 hours? No, Charlie Sheen right now is a terrifying social experiment gone awry — the craziness of peak-era Tom Cruise jolted with enough cocaine and booze to jumpstart John Belushi back to the land of the living. Brittany Spears? Lindsay Lohan? Sure they’re almost there, except they achieved success as teenagers — yes they were adolescents, but they remember somewhere a time when they didn’t get everything they wanted, when they had to struggle. And that root grounds them to humanity/reality; as decrepit and rot-filled as those diseased roots may be, they still exist. As messed up and entitled as Spears, Lohan & Co are, they still remember a time when the universe didn’t pave their path with rose petals — even if those memories were banished to some deep remote dungeon of sub-consciousness oh-so-many eons ago. Not Chuck. There’s a reason why he thinks “Death is for fools”, because he’s never had a reason to humor mortality, or humility, or defeat. Or even humanity. It’s quite likely only guys like Xerxes, popes from the Dark Ages and maybe African dictator scions have ever felt this way… or ever could feel this way, so high and manic on their own delusional self-absorption. Of course Charlie Sheen feels like a god — we’ve made him a God, since the day entire film studios were fawning on him so as to not piss off his dad. And now we’re all surprised the Science Fair experiment has exploded all over the classroom? Please. It’s all been a recipe for a horrific, wonderous disaster since Day One. My only question is, where will it end…? Tune in and find out…

As for this X DJ Ephixa remix, it is sublime — like holy peanut butter dipped in the divine chocolate of insanity, the perfect soundtrack to a terrifying social experiment gone awry…

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