This, my fodder-reading little lemurs, is what you call a scoop — something no other website knows yet. Insiders say that everyone’s favorite sizzup slurping drug dumpster, the inimitable P’tite Wheezy, was signed to act in his first major studio film, Patriots.

It’s about a high school basketball coach in Louisiana (played by good ol’ Forest “Overactin” Whitaker) right after Katrina who assembles a team of players — all who’d previously attended five different schools before the disaster — and leads them on the path to the state championships. I’m thinking there’s gonna be some internal conflicts, perhaps even some fisticuffs, as these young’uns struggle to realize that, indeed, they’re all from the same hood. All before FOW, after almost quitting (maybe seeing a metaphor in his divided city), finds the inner strength to unite these crazy kids and bring them to the cusp of a State Championship. Then, with 10 seconds left and down by 2, the other team’s star is dribbling up court. Suddenly, The Wheez gets all up in his grill and drops this bomb:

I got old bread like stale biscuits.

You feelin froggy all you gotta do is yell ribbit.

Turn your azz to a statue like an exhibit.

The kid stunned, The King of the Simile steals the ball from his grip, rushes to the other side of the court and launches a dramatic, slow motion, last minute 3-pointer… Swooooosh!!! Hooooray!!! In celebration, Lil Wayne then drops Da Drought 5 to widespread glo-blog praise! I know what you’re thinking — I’m kinda like Nostradamus. Sometimes my powers of prophecy scare even me. Hmmm, I’m wondering — is the 28-year old, heavily face-tattooed multiple ex-con supposed to be one of these high schoolers? I’m predicting, in an urban ode to 90210, yes.

P’tite Wayne, 3 seconds before inhaling a line the size of a baby’s arm…