If you are one of the top four crime bosses in Japan, boy do we have a liver for you! Well, UCLA Medical Center does anyway…as long as you’re a prominent Japanese yakuza. You know when you hear that annoying cliché “nice guys finish last”? In this case, they did. 186 nice guys, to be precise. They all died while waiting for their livers — meanwhile Tadamasa Goto, one of Japan’s most powerful gang bosses, received a liver transplant back in 2001, during a time period where there was a shortage of organs for transplant candidates.

Shortly after his transplant, Mr. Goto (who is prohibited from entering the U.S. entirely) donated $100,000 to UCLA Medical Center (as reported in the LA Times). Hmmmm…is it crazy to draw the conclusion that Mr. Goto and his serendipitous friends jumped the list with some nifty donations? Don’t let ethics get in the way of a new pool and accompanying Ferrari, Dr. Busuttil, the surgeon who performed the surgery on Mr. Goto and his criminal friends.

So, why did four of them need new livers? Well, cos drugging, drinking and fucking your way to the top of the criminal food chain takes a toll on that pesky liver. David Crosby, you got nothin’ on the yakuza!

PS: If we need livers in the future, my advice to you is steal it back from the yakuza and do some research on WebMD. Fuck waiting and Med school, it’s a cut n’ sew society now any way…

Q: What wears diapers, has sick tattwork, and you absolutely do NOT wanna fuck with?

The esteemed Tadamasa Goto, head of the Yakuza. Awwwe…ain’t he precious?