I’m a bit torn on Twitter. In some ways it’s a ridiculously self-aggrandizing timesucker, polluting the ethersphere with the pointless ramblings of very uninteresting people leading very uninteresting lives. On the other hand, it’s how I found out Diplo is working on some Asher Roth dubstep remixes. So I guess the more accurate fact of the matter is that the value of Twitter depends on the Twitterer. I mean, who the fuck cares that you’re getting a mani-pedi, then catching drinks with the girls? Seriously, WHO CARES. You just ate a yummy sandwich? Keep it to your fucking self, Yogi Bear. What are you, fucking Jarod from Subway? No one gives a flying fuck. On the other hand, if you found something cool, have a pithy and interesting thought, or simply spotted something wicked secret that people may wanna know about, then Twitter away. Be my guest. But please, for the love of all that’s interesting in the world, keep the banal details of your boring existence to yourself. Please.

Have you read Tina Fey‘s tweets? Chick is funny. I like that one about Chinese Hotpockets. Questlove, on the other hand, really needs to find a 3rd job. Dude, put down your Crackberry and get working on a new album. How does homeboy eat with all that Twittering…? And things are only getting more ridiculous, what with Demi’s boytoy challenging CNN to be the first to reach 1,000,000 followers. Aaaaand…apparently Kutcher just passed the million-man mark. Wow. There’s actually one million people out there who care about whatever sagely thoughts are bouncing around the mysterious mind of Ashton Kutcher. Unbelievable. I love this little nugget of wisdom he dislodged from his cortex and decided to share with the world:

“I found it astonishing that one person can actually have as big of a voice online as what an entire media company can on Twitter.”

Ummmm…you may have “as big a voice” as CNN, but whereas CNN (ostensibly) exists by reporting on world events and relevant political analysis, you’re Twittering about eating brisket for dinner. So sure, your voice may have the same volume, but what’s coming out of your mouth could not be any more different. It’s like comparing the projected couplets of a Shakespearean theatre actor to a retarded kid yelling gibberish after getting nailed in the shins. See it’s not just volume, Kelso, it’s content.

I believe the video below says it best…