A generation ago, in the cigar smoke-filled boardroom of a Manhattan skyscraper, a group of highly-paid, middle-aged advertising executives got to talking about vaginas. One of the junior executives, in a moment of refreshing naïveté, pondered: “If we could just bottle this vagina business, we’d be sure to make a mint.” Little did that credulous exec know that some fifty years later, a pan-European team of scientists would do just that. Vulva Original (sure to be followed by Vulva Extra Crispy) is a “beguiling vaginal scent.” It is not, the site informs us repeatedly, a perfume. It is, however, the site warns us, to be kept away from children, not to be ingested, not to come in contact with mucous membranes and to be used sparingly, using only the specially-designed applicator. For a “precious, organic substance,” this tiny vial of colorless liquid appears more dangerous than a truck full of nitroglycerine. Just like the real vagina. Get yours now…