Bring all the excitement of the redneck road raccoon hunt to your living room with the Roadkill Rug. No longer do you have to scratch those scabies raw anticipating that thrill that running over small, unarmed vermin gives you. Once plopped down over your cigarette-burn-and beer-stained carpet, this rug will get your salivary glands a-workin’. Priced at a moderate $4100, you’d only have to pimp out your sister-wife for a few years to pay it off.

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