While flying to Italy for another top secret mission (to be disclosed in the very near future) I was forced to suffer through Lufthansa’s in-flight entertianment, which actually isn’t all that bad. In a sado-masochistic way, I kind of enjoy the chance to see movies I would never see in the real world. Or rather, I would never admit to seeing in the real world. It’s a good opportunity to catch up with a bunch of flicks that you may have had a passing curiosity to see, but only if you were strapped to a chair for 13 hours in a room the size of a Greyhound bus. So it is in that mindset that we bring you 5 Second Airline Movie Reviews, the inaugural edition…

1. The Invention of Lying: I’m a big Ricky Gervais fan, one of those cooler-than-thou knowitalls that watched the UK Office before the American version came out, and was all like, “Yeah, the American Office is pretty funny but you should see the original British version — it’s way better.” And while that was true for the first couple seasons, the American version has grown its own legs and surpassed the original Ricky Gervais series, if only because the UK edition had only about 12 episodes (and really, hasn’t Michael Scott bypassed David Brent by now?). All that being said, this movie is essentially a half hour pilot of Ricky Gervais looking uncomfortable extended into a 2-hour movie, a pilot that I guarantee you wouldn’t get picked up even by TBS.

5 second reviews of Twilight New Moon, Couples Retreat and Sherlock Holmes after the Jump…

2. Twilight New Moon: They should’ve called this movie Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson Sit Around Looking Gloomy While Some Really Buff Pretty Chick Runs Around Shirtless and Sometimes Turns Into a Wolf. If they had called it that, I wouldn’t have hated it half as much. After watching New Moon, I’ve come to realize that the demographic I have least in common with than any other on the face of the planet is the Female American Tween. There are colorblind midget Sherpas locked in a crevasse of the Himalayas I could have a more meaningful and engaging conversation with.

3. Couples Retreat: I know what you may think — I’m going to bag on this absolutely predictable, moronic, football-to-the-groin romcom for being everything that sucks about Hollywood. Well I’m not — if only because, god forgive me, I still find that one character that Vince Vaughn does hilarious (not surprising, he co-wrote the movie). If he’s complaining about something or thrown into a shark tank (literally), I might get a chuckle or two out of his suffering Not horrendous…but yes, you could essentially write the screenplay while watching it, it’s that predictable.

4. Sherlock Holmes: When we reviewed Sherlock Holmes in December, The Elf said “Big stars. Big budget. Big concept. No soul.” And while I actually agree with that 8 word review, I’m going to go against the final verdict and say I didn’t mind it all that much. What’s more, I actually enjoyed several moments, and thought the saving grace of the film —  Sherlock’s relationship with Watson — was just enough to salvage the film. I should add that had I seen the movie before reading the skewering reviews (including ours) I probably would’ve been horrifically disappointed, but I was expecting so little that really the only only way to go was up. Yeah the plotline was as convoluted as a David Lynch dream sequence, but the dialogue between Sherlock and Watson, and their respective charm and rivalry, was enough for me to enjoy the film. Would I recommend it? No, not really. Not unless you’re strapped to a chair for 13 hours with only New Moon to watch.