Like this photo? Think it’s perty? Well good, cos we might all just be getting a courtside view this summer. Thanks to the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva (I know what your thinking—the Swiss?! Again? Again Again?!), the largest particle accelerator ever — measuring a puny 17 miles in circumference. It’s supposed to further understanding of quantum phenomena by smashing particles into each other at close to the speed of light, and seeing what happens. Sounds pretty fun. The problem is that this smashing of particles will create black holes. Yes, real black holes, the ones where nothing that enters can escape from, not even light (much like Cheney’s poor withered soul).

Now this isn’t some crazy far-off-in-the-future distant threat like the inevitable Robot War of 2015, this is right around the corner — the first beams are due for injection mid-June 2008, with the first collisions planned to take place in August.

Now most scientists are pretty sure that the black holes created will be so small that they’ll disappear in a tiny fraction of a second. But there are others, equally egghead-qualified ones, that are much less sure, and would like to make absolutely certain before firing up the engine of the collider (there is actually a lawsuit seeking to stop the start of the project until then).

Given the batting average of the “We’re sure it’ll be ok” attitude of science is somewhere around .200 (Earth is flat, atoms can’t be split, phen-phen, contergan, Saccharine, to name a few…or to put it another way, if science was selling E, I would find another, more reliable source), I think that sounds pretty reasonable. Call me crazy, but before we risk an “Oops” that could result in EARTH AND ALL REALITY BEING GOBBLED UP INTO NOTHING, crunching numbers for awhile to make sure that doesn’t happen doesn’t seem so bad.

I like smashing things as much as the next guy, hell maybe even more, but I’d think twice, even thrice about smashing everything. I’m guessing that maybe most of these guys don’t get laid much, it’s all the same to them. But I like this wacky place called reality, so I’m voting for postponing the launch of the thing until all agree we won’t wake up to see the event horizon of a black hole eating away our current horizon.

I’m just saying…