It is my experience in this life that there are few people with a paler sense of humor than those working at the TSA or for airlines in general. I remember years ago, well before 9/11, when I was asked on a flight to Miami if I’d been given any “suspicious” looking packages. Thinking it the most absurd question possible, I told them that yes, indeed I had — a nice fellow with a turban had handed me a beautifully wrapped box that happened to be ticking. Now aside from the obvious racism of my joke, the mere idea seemed so ludicrous that I assumed the flight attendant would know I was kidding. Not so much. I ended up missing my flight and undergoing 3 hours of thorough interrogation at the airport (this was, again, about 2 years before the War on Terror). So if you want to undergo the same metaphorical and literal “undressing” that I withstood all those years ago, I highly recommend these Suitcase Stickers. Whether you want to make TSA think you’re transporting kilos of illicit drugs, a suitcase full of sex toys, piles of undocumented cash or are simply kidnapping a weeping stewardess, Suitcase Stickers has your particular crime handled. Pick up your surefire anal cavity search for only $15.

The drug sticker above, and hit the Jump to see the  sex toy, cash and weeping stewardess sticker options below…