Wenger decided to end the war of Swiss Army Knife Buildup by creating the well-named Giant Swiss Army Knife, the Guinness World Record holder for “The Most Multifunctional Penknife.” I’m not sure what a penknife is, but I’m pretty sure this has to hold some kind of record. Weighing over 2 pounds,this Swiss Army knife has 87 implements and 141 functions, including:

Corkscrew, seven blades, three types of pliers, 25 flat- and Phillips-head screwdrivers and bits, fine metal file with precision screwdriver, golf club face cleaner, divot repair tool, double-cut wood saw with ruler, removable tool for adjusting spokes on a wheel, universal wrench, adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter, chisel-point reamer, spring-loaded locking flat nose needle-nose pliers, nail file, nail cleaner, scissors with serrated self-sharpening design, compass, mineral crystal magnifier, straight edge, ruler (in./cm), telescopic pointer, fishing hook disgorger, line guide, fish scaler, metal file, flashlight, micro scrapers straight and curved, pin punch, round needle file, special self-centering screwdriver for gun sights, awl, toothpick, cap lifter, can opener, fiber optic tool holder, and a laser pointer with 300 ft. range.

Now that’s a knife. Sure these aren’t made of chocolate, but I would still love to get my hands on one. Available at Hammacher Schlemmer for only $1,400.