So you throw a house party and in the middle of the debaucherous festivities you catch your friend drunkenly throwing pistachio shells into your toilet, so you whip a can of Schlitz at his moronic head. The almost-full can hits him across the head, ricochets into your vanity mirror, shatters in an explosion of glass and now all hell breaks loose. What are you gonna do, get into fisticuffs with one of your best friends? No, that ain’t right. What you do is power up these Bionic Bopper Cars and have a serious 2 am fight-for-your-honor throwdown. It’s a win/win for everybody — you get to beat the crap out of each other in motorized robots, the crowd is entertained, and inevitably money is exchanged… which as the house, you damn well deserve 5% of… unless someone wants to step in the Bionic Bopper Car and settle the score? I thought not. All you do is step inside the steel cage robot — powered by a Honda gas engine that can move around at 3 mph — and press thumb-triggered buttons on two joysticks. The buttons activate two pneumatic-powered, tire-tread-fisted arms that try to knock the other Robot’s head clean off. A display on each Bionic Bopper Car’s mid-section tallies successful scoring punches. Best of all you don’t even need to worry about getting tired — its fuel capacity provides up to five hours of uninterrupted bouts. And when the dust settles, and your standing victorious over the smoking shell of your vanquished nemesis, you can make him pay for the damn plumber’s bill. That cheap bastard deserves it. Get your own pair of motorized justice at Hammacher Schlemmer for $17,000.
10
Nov
A perfectly civilized way to settle a drunken beef
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